I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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