Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
