I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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