im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
