I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
