woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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