Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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