I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
