it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I will pee on everything he values.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need to wash the frat house off of me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
