I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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