Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
