Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
