waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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