I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
