Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You were trust falling into bushes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
