but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dick has a subreddit
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
