Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
