I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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