Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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