Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
