You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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