when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
