after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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