16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
