I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
