thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
