I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
