i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
