On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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