I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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