FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
