You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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