my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
