Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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