I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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