Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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