At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
