Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
