Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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