yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
