loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
