I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
