That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
