Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
