i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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