i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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