My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
