The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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