someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
