doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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