Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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