You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
