You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
