Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize