Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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