those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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