her vagine was all disorganized.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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