Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
