Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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