I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
