I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize