It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
