He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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